Table of Contents

-Preface

–Who Needs Fingers?

–The Landry Clan Travels to Florida

–There is more to Cape Cod Than Lobsters

–Where Did All The Water Come From?

–Mike Tyson, I am not.

–Boy, you have a hard head.

–Playing hot potato with a watermelon.

–Randy gets even

–Thank God for Sudsy.

–Was it a chainsaw or my aunt snoring?

–Where’s Aunt Rita?

–Basic Instinct Curtain Call

–Sporting Events Destined Not to Make It Into The Olympics

–Pie For Everyone

–My Aunt and the Plumber’s Crack

–How My Boxing Career Got Started

–Randy Gets High

–Randy Becomes an Opera Singer

–A joke about the Sahara Desert and Camels as told by my Sister Regina

-A joke about a prized pig as told by my sister Regina

–The Tiger By The Tail

–Rocky and Apollo Creed Re-Match

–Run, Randy, Run!

–How much shit can one take?

–Randy and newspapers don’t mix

–I should have ducked.

–Bug spray tastes like shit.

–Hornets Make Poor Pets

-Just because It’s cheap doesn’t mean it is a good deal–story about my brother Robert

-Don’t take a Volkswagen camper van on a windy causeway–story about my brother Robert

-Don’t live at the end of a T in the road as told by Robert

–Things you shouldn’t do under a waterfall.

–Aunt Barbara in Mexico

–Gramps in a Tree

–Gramps and the Stool Softener

–Help, I have Fallen Asleep And I Can’t Move My Arms!

–Who Shot Dallas’ J.R. Ewing?

–Gramps and the Suwannee River

–Gramps and Racquetball

-Don’t re-finance your house 10 times–story about my brother Robert

–Summer Road Trip From Hell Part II: Ronnie’s Turn

–Randy is Infested With Fleas and Discovers the Swamp Thing.

-How I met My First Girlfriend

–Randy Peddles Produce.

–Don’t buy a pick-up truck if you have friends or a family

-Don’t marry an Agoraphiliac (Exhibitionist) if you are shy

-Don’t marry a red-headed Sasquatch (aka psycho bitch)

–Alcohol and Volleyball don’t mix

–We are all Going to Jail or Hell

-Can you eat Opossum? Don’t do it if you value your taste buds.

–Moving Mishaps

–The Bataan Death March in North Carolina

-Don’t date an alcoholic midget unless you have no choice

–Give it a Break, Will Ya?

–The More you Try, the Worse it Gets.

–Honey, Where is the Wall?

-Don’t trust a smoker when they say they will quit smoking

–Randy Goes To Sea

–Honey I Lost My Snorkel

–Don’t piss off TSA agents; several accounts of sheer folly involving film, an over-sized bag and the wrong last name

–Stop the Damn Car!!

–Randy Griswold

–What almost was.

–Don’t Let Your Cat Drive Your Cherry Picker

–Now That Is Damned Weird!

–Help I’m Seizing.

–Randy’s Party Extravaganzas

-Don’t wait till the last minute to book a flight–My Bonaire Experience

–Cancun and Cozumel

–Too Much of a Good Thing in Hawaii

–Randy and His Little Diving Buddies

–How I almost got strip searched

-Don’t take a thousand pound backpack on a summer hike in Havasuapi

-Don’t do a thru hike in the Grand Canyon in the summer

–Randy Gets Lost In Havasu Falls

–Randy buys a video

–My Name is Jose

-Don’t cut backpacking weight in your food allowance

–My Kingdom for a Dive Computer

–Who says it Doesn’t Rain in the Desert?

–What Happened to the Roof Rack?

–What Happened to the Damn Heater, Part One?

–What Happened to the Damn Heater, Part Two?

-Don’t take a bike ride\hike around Lake Mead in the summer

–What Ants?

–Cell Phones Don’t Float

–Where is the Road?

–Round Two: Where is the Water?

-Don’t get a bariatric operation if you love to eat

-A leopard can’t change it’s spots or can it?

-There is always two sides to a story, so don’t judge without knowing all the facts.