Chapter Twenty-two: Sam Discovers the Reason Why He is Different and Blames Himself

Papa Sam has just turned 12 and is entering Junior High School. As the years have gone by, he has become more aware of the differences in how he and his sister Christine are being treated. He still does not fully understand these differences, all he knows is that he is doing his best to be a good boy and to not cause his father any problems.

He has started playing in organized sports in the hopes that his father Grandpa Gordon will pay more attention to him. Then on one eventful day he discovers some medical papers that were left out on the kitchen table by his mother. She had been doing some organizing and cleaning out some old papers of hers. He knew that he shouldn’t be snooping but he was a curious child as most children are. He quickly flipped open the folder and he saw a drawing of a female with a mark on her stomach. Then he looked further and saw that the mark referred to a word that he was not familiar with “hysterectomy.” He quickly closed the folder as his mother Mama Clara came back in the room. She looked at Papa Sam and could immediately tell that he had been snooping.

Mama Clara asked him what he had seen and he blurted out the word, “hysterectomy”. She looked at him in a sad way and said that he needed to sit down. His mother said that it was about time that he knew the truth about what happened when he was born. She then started to describe the events that took place 12 years ago and what had happened to her. She further explained that is why he did not have any younger brothers or sisters.

Papa Sam immediately started crying. His mind was racing at light speed as all of the things that had taken place in his short life started to flash before him. He now knew why his father had treated him differently for all these years. Of course, the first thing that popped into his mind was that he was to blame for this. If he had not been born, his mother would still be OK. It didn’t matter that his mother had said that it wasn’t his fault. He simply was no longer hearing anything she was saying as his mind continued to race in overdrive. All he could think of how his father must hate him. He also knew that no matter how his father felt about him, he still loved Grandpa Gordon. Papa Sam now knew what he had to do, he had to be the best son that ever lived. He would make his father love him.

When his mind had slowed down some he asked his mother if she could take him to the public library. He wanted to study up on what had happened when he was born. He wanted to learn more about what a hysterectomy was. His mother had explained things to him pretty well, but he had blocked out a lot of the information when he realized what had happened. He knew the subject was painful to his mother so he didn’t want to ask her to repeat herself. This was just the first step that he would take to make things better, He would become totally self-sufficient. He wouldn’t ask his parents for anything unnecessary. When he got back home he would clean up his room. He knew that he could do better. He would also study harder so that he would get better grades, even better than his sister.