We just came back from a failed hiking trip. Well let me rephrase that a radically altered hiking trip. Since I just started this chapter with a very confusing statement, I think a little explanation is in order.

I live in Las Vegas and therefore live fairly close to Hoover Dam and the Colorado River. Below the dam is a region of river called Black Canyon. It is a very popular destination for kayakers, canoers and powered boats. Hoover Dam is considered to be a very vital structure and is therefore heavily protected. Twenty years ago the top of the dam served as a through road for travel from Boulder City to Arizona, while you can still drive on it, the road now dead-ends just past the dam onto a scenic overlook and parking lot. Mike O’Callaghan–Pat Tillman Memorial Bridge was built as part of the Hoover Dam Bypass of Highway 93. This entire mega-million dollar project was put in place soon after the suicide plane bombings of 9-11. It was feared and rightly so that the dam was a likely target for terrorists. Regular people used to be able to launch their kayaks and canoes below the dam, now only highly vetted and licensed tour groups can do so. The prices for these tours used to be reasonable, but with inflation and other dynamics the prices have become quite high. You can use your own kayaks if you have them and they will launch them for a hefty price. What you do is bring them to Willow Beach and they will load them on their trailers and bring you and your boats to the launch site at the base of the dam. This will cost you over $300 two kayaks. Being a tight ass I came up with a work around.

If you are a good paddler and young and healthy you can paddle the whole 12 miles up river from Willow Beach to the launch site and then float and paddle back from there. There are several You Tube videos depicting these trips. First of all my wife and I are not young and second of all we are not strong kayakers, so the chance of us being able to replicate this feat were nil and none. It was at this time that I became aware of a new activity which involves kayaking and backpacking. There are portable rafts now that are small enough and light enough that you can fit them in your backpack. Unfortunately they are also expensive. Some of them are also not really reliable. They are also meant only for one person. This means that we would need two of them, one for Connie and one for me. While these kayaks are portable, they are still on the heavy side. They weigh well over 15 pounds. Well there is no way that my wife can carry all that extra weight. So this is where it became interesting. I found a two person inflatable kayak that would supposedly not only hold the both of us, but all our gear as well. The stated weight capacity was in excess of 500 pounds. It was also just around $200. This seemed like a great deal. The raft also had a good rating and their were actual You Tube videos on it as well. So I ordered it. The description of the raft stated that it came with a backpack. Well this description was an extreme exaggeration. It was simply a cheap carrying bag. Now the problem was how in the hell do I carry all this new gear plus my regular gear?

Since I am bigger and stronger than my wife, I usually carry the tent and cooking gear when we go on backpacking trips, well now she had to carry this extra stuu. Her pack weight went from a comfortable 20 odd pounds to well over 30 plus pounds. My wife is small and only weighs 120 pounds. So this extra weight was pushing it. Though I must add, she was a real trooper and handled the extra weight quite well, if you ignore the frequent griping.

As I stated the problem was how do I carry this kayak? I have been backpacking for some time and therefore have several backpacks. Even my largest pack which is a 115 liter monster Gregory backpack, which weighs 10 pounds empty was not big enough. I have a 75 liter water proof pack, which is simply a big sack with shoulder and waist straps. This pack held the kayak and paddles quite nicely. I was also able to strap the life jacket to the outside of the pack. Unfortunately there was no room for any of my other gear.

Well you should know by now that I would come up with a solution for this problem. I have two large water proof expedition North Face duffle bags, that have a 150 liter capacity. Well damn this pack not only swallowed up the kayak it held all my gear and a hydration pack as well. It even had shoulder straps. These straps were however only meant for short distances. I had previously sewed chest straps to both bags. Unfortunately they do not come with waist belts, so the weight was now put on my shoulders. When I weighed the pack when it was fully loaded with my camera bag attached to the front of it, the weight was around 80 pounds. Now I am a big guy and pretty strong “to boot” so the weight did not present a major problem. The hike was after all just 3.2 miles! I want to add that it was the longest 2.7 miles of my life! Well not quite of my life, because I have hiked to some other crazy places and done so under extreme situations. It is a damn wonder that I am still alive. You might have noticed the discrepancy in my the distance, not too worry it will be explained a little further on in my narrative. All I can say is that I was insane to try and carry that much weight with just shoulder straps. I have bruise marks all over my shoulders to show for my folly. Because of the extreme weight that we were both carrying we had to stop every couple of hundred yards to rest. Thank god there were plenty of places to sit and rest up on. Many of these places were even in the shade. Another point of note was that same wind that made kayaking impossible for me later in the day was providing a nice cooling breeze for us while we hiked. So now you know why I became so tired a little later in the day, I had basically carried a damn piano on my back for well over 2 miles.

Here is where the problem came up. I have never hiked this trail, and I was solely going on my wife’s description of the route. Well bless her heart, she is a pure hiking machine and yes also a little forgetful. She also has a tendency to downplay a trails difficulty level. So knowing this I should have been a little hesitant when she said it was a simple and easy route that simply followed a wash all the way to the river. What she neglected to tell me was that the final half mile was a trek from hell. When I discovered what this last leg entailed, I knew there was no way that I was going to be able to carry this pack that final stretch of the route. Frankly if I had known how difficult this last section was I would have never even have bought the inflatable kayak in the first place. So I decided to inflate the raft and paddle and pull it to our camp site. So I told Connie to just take a water bottle with her and to complete the hike and I would meet her there.

Of course there is always a but with my plans. When we made our plans we had no intention of getting in the water on the first day, mainly because it was so damn windy. The next day the wind was supposed to have died down some. So I loaded up the kayak with all my gear and tied a 50 foot rope to the front of it. Of course the rocky shore was just too rough to walk around and pull the kayak behind me. So I had to get into the water. You should know one thing. The water that enters the canyon comes from the bottom of the lake so it is a bone chilling 50 degrees Fahrenheit. So after my heart restarted and extricated my testicles out of my body I started pulling the kayak through the water. Well this plan lasted all of 10 feet, when I found myself immediately in water over my head. Paddling the kayak was still not an option, the wind was just shy of hurricane gale strength (slight exaggeration), it was however just too strong for my feeble kayaking abilities. So not to be deterred I decided to spider man my way around the shore by holding onto the craggy shore line. I was able to get about 300 yards and was about a quarter of the way to my destination when the wall went from craggy with lots of places to hang onto, to a glassy smooth wall.

Damn, now what do I do?! So I tried to get into the raft from water that was over my head. Well I nearly flipped the raft and drowned all at the same time. Thank god I had the brains to wear my life jacket. So now that final option was out of the question. So I did a little back tracking and found a sheltered area where there were some old trees in the water and would give us a better launching point in the morning. You may ask why I did not just try getting in the raft from that spot? Well you bring up a good point. The answer was that I was just too damn cold and tired to go any further. I also still had the problem of finding my wife and bringing her back to the kayak.

Thank god I only had to go half the distance, because she had started getting worried about how long it was taking me to get to our campsite at the hot springs, so she had started working her way back to me.

When we met up she was none too pleased. So after listening to her brow beat me a little we did eventually found a place to set up our tent. As an aside maybe I was not the best place to pitch it, but at least it would remain dry through the night. Unfortunately we did not realize that we set our tent right on the path of the trail. The water level of the river goes up and down depending on how much water is let out of the dam. They alter the flow depending on how much power the dam needs to generate. At night when everybody turns on their lights they have to let more water go through the turbines to generate the extra required electricity. So now that the water level went up, the hiking path was routed right by our tent and through our campsite. Thank god it was getting later in the day so the level of traffic wasn’t too bad.

We finally made it through the night and the sun started peaking out an it was about six o’clock in the morning when we realized that the weatherman had lied to us. The wind had not died down at all. It finally did abate some in the afternoon. I guess I shouldn’t complain too much because it was this same wind that helped to keep us cool on the hike back to our car. It as this point that I should tell you that we needed two vehicles one parked at the trail head and one parked at Willow Beach.
So now we had a very hard decision to make. What do we do with the inflatable kayak. The thought of carrying it back up that trail was just not something that I was even willing to even consider. Besides I was going to have to spend more money on an even bigger backpack to carry it on other adventures. Also I want to say that while the kayak was made for two people it just not big enough to carry all of our gear as well. So that was another issue we considered, would we still need a second raft? After mulling all these things over we decided to give our kayak a Viking funeral, albeit without the dead body and funeral pyre. So we set it afloat down the river.

After we commemorated our kayak’s funeral we divvied up our gear into our two packs and stashed it out of the way on our campsite. I had packed a water proof backpack with me, so I loaded up our camera gear, sandals and a towel for our short hike to the hot springs. After all we still had some unfinished business to take care of.

Without all the extra weight to carry, the last half of a mile was doable, so we made it to the springs with little drama. That is till we met the naked man at the springs. I have to admit he was a nice man for all that nakedness. He was totally unabashed about walking around in front of not only men but women as well. When I told him about the raft he offered to bring it back to our beach in case we wanted to reconsider our plans. Truth be told he was a man of his word because he pulled it to our little inlet behind his canoe. We thanked him for his efforts but Connie and I had not changed our minds. He thanked us for the kayak and paddled away in all of his nakedness. I never thought I would see him again when low and behold we met him hiking on the same trail we were on. Yes he was still naked, well if you don’t count his sneakers that is.

Even though our packs were a little lighter, they still seemed to be very heavy. I think it was because we were still tired from the day before. Like on the previous day we had to make frequent stops. It seemed like the trail would never end. The last leg of the trail is out in the open with little to no shade from the sun. Even though I had enough water remaining in my hydration pack, I just did not seem to be able to cool off. About a quarter of a mile from the trail head parking lot, we found a stash of water bottles that a previous hiker had left for other desperate trekers. I think we both qualified as desperate, so we did not feel guilty about each taking a bottle. The water was even still a little cold. I took a luxurious pull on the that bottle of delicious tasting water and then poured the rest of it on my head. Boy did that feel so good. I tell you what, it really helped to cool me off.

The last bit of distance seemed to take for ever, but we finally made it to the parking lot. We were able to take our packs off and lay them down on stone benches located at the entrance to the lot. Taking off those packs for the last time was the best feeling in the world. Connie emphatically stated she was not going to carry her pack any further, so she went and got the car and parked it in front of our gear. Somehow I found the extra energy needed to stuff the packs into the back seat of her Jeep Liberty. When we turned that car on and cranked up the A/C I thought I was in heaven. The journey back to Willow beach was just a blur. Unfortunately the little restaurant at the beach we had planned on eating at was closed, but the convenience store was open. So I picked up two ice cream sandwiches and two bottles of water. The water was cold and the ice cream sandwich was even colder and better tasting. As we took this brief respite on the covered patio overlooking the beach I felt my spirits picking up.

The drive home was anti-climatic and before you know it we were home, unpacked and taking showers. Another adventure was over. Who knows where we will go the next time we lock our front door.

Now to the analysis portion of this chapter. I consider myself to be fairly intelligent and innovative, maybe that is my problem. Maybe I just over think things. My wife thinks that my plans are just too elaborate and that I try to pack too much into a trip. I do know one thing about this trip, I let my wife’s fear about springing a leak in the raft while in the middle of the river get to me. Let’s face it I chickened out. I think when I almost flipped the kayak over is what really did it for me. I think as you get older you become a little more cautious. Discretion is after all the better part of valor. It is also better to be safe than sorry. I had purchased a throw rope in case Connie fell out of the kayak but who was going to rescue me if I fell out of the kayak or flipped it over? We would have lost all of our gear, including our cameras. Suddenly the price of failure became more than I wanted to pay. While I love adventure and new experiences, I am not willing to die to do these things. So what have I learned from this recent adventure, I really don’t know, besides the readily apparent ones, like having an appropriate back pack to carry your gear. Another one is to try out your new gear if possible in a dry run to make sure that you can handle it.

I hope this anecdotal account of mine will be of some benefit to you the reader.