Filipino funeral traditions encompass Catholic, Protestant, and indigenous practices. While many Filipinos are Catholic, the specific traditions and rituals can vary based on region and individual family beliefs. Standard practices include wakes, processions, and post-burial rituals like the pasiyam (nine-day prayers). Despite the Filipino tendency to go overboard with the funeral, Sitti and Mr. Chiesa decided to keep the funeral fairly simple, just like Marco lived his life.

Although Marco Enzo Chiesa had only been a member of the Santos family for a brief period of time, that did not stop the Santos family from coming out in droves to pay their respects. This outpouring of sentiment is not uncommon in the Philippines, where families tend to be close and tight-knit. My wife Connie’s stories about her lifelong friends are amazing. She keeps in touch with people that she went to school with all the way back to the elementary school level. This is something unheard of in the United States. We are a country of nomads. In the Philippines, families live and die in the same small communities. Many children go to the same schools right through college. So they develop close relations and ties with these individuals. Even though Connie has lived in the US for over half her life, she still keeps in touch with people she worked with 20 years ago. I don’t stay in touch with people from my last job, which was just three years ago.

I have therefore continued with this behavior in an effort to maintain authenticity in this book. Another aspect of life in the Philippines bears mentioning: many of the families living in the islands have been raised as strict Catholics. Until recently, Catholicism has been against any form of birth control, so large families are also not uncommon in the islands. It, therefore, should not come as any surprise that over a hundred members of the Santos family showed up for Marco’s funeral. I can’t imagine that if they had planned an elaborate funeral, the entire island of Bohol would have shown up.

Because every country has its own funeral and burial traditions, I thought it appropriate to discuss the Filipino practices briefly. They serve as a way to honor the departed and provide comfort to the grieving. Within the rich tapestry of global funeral customs, Filipino funeral traditions stand out for their unique blend of religious, familial, and communal practices. For those unfamiliar with these customs, attending a Filipino funeral may feel unfamiliar, but understanding and respecting these traditions is key to offering support and showing solidarity with the bereaved family.

Overview of Filipino Funeral Traditions

Filipino funeral customs are usually deeply rooted in Catholicism, a legacy of centuries of Spanish colonization. However, they also incorporate elements from pre-colonial indigenous beliefs and Chinese traditions, resulting in a unique blend of religious and cultural practices.

1. Extended Wake

One of the most distinctive features of Filipino funerals is the extended wake, which typically lasts for several days, sometimes even up to a week or more. During this period, the deceased is laid in an open casket at their home or a funeral parlor, surrounded by loving family members and friends. Visitors pay their respects, offer condolences, and pray for the soul of the departed.

2. Prayer and Rituals

Prayer plays a central role in Filipino funeral rites. Catholic prayers, including the Rosary and novenas, are recited throughout the wake. These practices provide spiritual comfort to the deceased and their loved ones.

3. Food and Hospitality

Hospitality is a hallmark of Filipino culture, even in times of mourning. Relatives and friends of the bereaved often bring food and refreshments to share with visitors during the wake. This gesture of generosity serves not only to nourish the guests but also to foster a sense of community and support during a difficult time.

Many families have used the reception room at Coastal Funeral Center following the service to have a time of fellowship.

4. Funeral Mass and Burial

The funeral culminates in a Mass, where prayers are offered. After the Mass, the deceased is brought to the cemetery for burial. Filipino burial customs vary depending on regional and familial traditions. They may include final prayers, the sprinkling of holy water, and the placing of flowers or other offerings on the grave.

Etiquette for Attending a Filipino Funeral

If you are attending a Filipino funeral for the first time, it’s essential to familiarize yourself with the customs and etiquette observed during these ceremonies. Here are some tips to help you navigate the experience respectfully:

1. Dress Conservatively

Filipino funerals are solemn occasions, so dress modestly and conservatively out of respect for the deceased and their family. Dark-colored clothing is typically preferred, with black being the most traditional choice. For more suggestions on funeral attire, read “What to Wear to a Funeral.”

2. Offer Condolences

When offering condolences to the bereaved family, a simple “I’m sorry for your loss” or “Condolences” is appropriate. You may also offer prayers or words of comfort if you feel comfortable doing so.

3. Participate in Prayers and Rituals

If you are Catholic or comfortable participating in religious rituals, feel free to join in the prayers and rituals conducted during the wake and funeral Mass. However, if you are not religious, it is also acceptable to observe quietly and respectfully.

4. Bring Food or Offer Assistance

If you are close to the family or community, consider bringing food or offering assistance to help ease their burden during the funeral preparations. This gesture of kindness and support will be greatly appreciated.

5. Respect Cultural Customs

Above all, respect the cultural customs and traditions observed during the funeral. Avoid any behavior that may be considered disrespectful or inappropriate, such as loud talking, cell phone noise, or inappropriate attire.

In accordance with tradition, Family members and friends gathered at the home of the deceased (in this case, Sitti’s Parents’ house) for the wake. In the effort to keep it as simple as possible, they limited it to two days. Prayers utilizing the rosary were recited, and food was shared with the mourners. A large photo was placed on an easel in the house for close family members. Thanks to constraints of space and to accommodate the rest of the mourners, the body was displayed in a casket at the funeral home.  After the service was held in the church, there was a procession to the cemetery with a horse-drawn hearse, followed by scores of mourners on foot,

Marco’s father, Mr. Lorenzo Chiesa, was overwhelmed by the outpouring of love shown at the funeral and the wake. Being a man of few words, he found it difficult to convey his feelings and show his appreciation to the Santos family. His actions and demeanor were more than adequate to impart his true feelings.

When the final words were spoken, the mourners threw flowers on Marco’s casket as they left the cemetery.

When all the mourners had left, the closest family members congregated again at the Santos family house. Mr Chiesa told Sitti that he would be leaving to go back home to Italy. “I have business to take care of back home, and I need to speak to my brother at the Vatican. I don’t expect to be coming back to the Philippines again. I want to thank you one more time for making my Marco so happy. I know that he loved you very much, Sitti.” As if on cue, a taxi pulled up to the front of the house as he spoke his last words. Mr. Chiesa gave Sitti one more hug and then walked out of her life forever.