Conscious aging is the intentional, positive process of accepting, embracing, and finding meaning in every stage of life, shifting from “doing” to “being”. It involves viewing aging as a journey of wisdom rather than decline, allowing for better emotional health, improved relationships, and a vibrant, purposeful life.

Key Pillars of Conscious Aging

• Embrace Acceptance: Recognize aging as a natural process. Accept present circumstances—physical, mental, or situational—to unlock the ability to find joy, even in limitations.
• Redefine Purpose: Shift focus from past roles to new passions, such as volunteering, learning new skills, or exploring hobbies, which can enhance cognitive health.
• Cultivate Positivity & Gratitude: Adopt a “longevity mindset” that sees aging as a time of potential rather than decay. Regular gratitude improves mental well-being.
• Stay Connected: Nurture relationships with family, friends, and intergenerational connections to combat loneliness.
• Physical Activity & Care: Keep moving through walking or gentle exercise to support both physical and mental health.
• Lifelong Learning: Keep the mind young by learning new things and maintaining curiosity. 

How to Enjoy Life at Every Stage

• Live in the Moment: Shift attention to the present to appreciate the beauty and joy available right now.
• Celebrate Milestones: Mark birthdays and achievements with joy rather than fear.
• Let Go of “Unfinished Business”: Practice emotional forgiveness and let go of past baggage.
• Mentorship: Share your life experiences and wisdom with younger generations, which provides a sense of legacy.
• Adapt Your Lifestyle: Be open to adapting to your changing needs while maintaining independence and joy. 

It can be tricky getting older. It can be difficult to realize that your body may be in more pain or that priorities can change over time. It can be hard to reckon your identity if you’ve spent years raising children or working a career that you no longer have to do anymore. Here are some tips on enjoying the aging process and how to find joy through every stage of life.

1. Acceptance

The number one thing that can help a person deal with anything is accepting the present situation. Whether that be about conflict, aging, or death, acceptance is so important to be able to do anything else. If someone cannot accept their lived reality, it is impossible to make important changes that can bring more joy.

2. Finding purpose

Especially since as we age, things change, and the way we define ourselves changes. Finding a new hobby, career, volunteer position, or community can help immensely with finding meaning.

3. Learning new things

This can coexist with finding purpose. Picking up a new hobby where you have to learn or taking a class can help with memory and cognition, which is something that a lot of people feel that they struggle with as they get older.

4. Staying active

Even if you have limited mobility, trying to move as much as you can can be super helpful for not only physical health but mental health as well.

5. Don’t panic

It is okay that things are different than they used to be. For much of human history, growing old was not a possibility for the majority of people. Having more time in life gives us time to become very scared and existential as we get older, but it also gives us more time to appreciate our life and grow in new ways. It can be hard to feel grateful to get older because it certainly does come with complications, but it is also such a special opportunity that has only been awarded very recently in human history, so trying to practice gratitude and avoid negative thoughts of aging is important to maintaining your emotional and social well-being.

Wayne Lehrer on conscious aging, redefining yourself and finding fulfillment as you age

Transcript

I hear all the time, I used to do yoga, but now my body doesn’t like it. Well, find a new yoga class. If you remember how it made you feel, then doing it in a new way, maybe a gentler class, maybe a hot yoga class that’s in the dark, that’s slow, where you hold the poses and no one’s looking at you because you may be self-conscious, maybe that’s the answer to it. But not doing it is only going to make your life collapse. And I believe that one of the biggest problems with aging is people’s worlds get smaller and smaller.

Orli Belman (00:00):

From the USC Leonard Davis School of Gerontology, this is Lessons in Lifespan Health, a podcast about the science and scientists improving how we live and age. I’m Orli Belman, Chief Communications Officer. On today’s episode, how teacher and coach Wayne Lehrer found purpose in aging and is working to help others do the same. Lehrer is the author of The Art of Conscious Aging, the Operating Manual for an Extraordinary Third Act. He also leads a weekly yoga class here at the USC Leonard Davis School. Welcome to our podcast, Wayne, and thank you for being here today.

Wayne Lehrer (00:39):

Oh, thank you for the opportunity.

Orli Belman (00:41):

I think it would be helpful to start with some definitions. Let’s begin with the terms in your book title. What is conscious aging?

Wayne Lehrer (00:48):

Well, conscious aging is accepting the fact that it happens for everybody. That’s the conscious part of it. You know, most of us live most of our lives under the assumption that we’re never going to age, certainly, that we’re never going to be old or get older. So conscious aging is how we approach the process and the practice of aging. It’s just basically becoming mindful of all of the elements that go into the process of aging, whether it’s exercise and diet, sleep, or the subtler things like stress, poor relationships, you know, creating value in the world. So conscious aging is showing up for your life in a way that your life creates value for you and others.

Orli Belman (01:32):

That’s a wonderful idea. And what is the third act?

Wayne Lehrer (01:36):

So historically, you know, what people normally now refer to as the third act is retirement. Historically, you know, the average lifespan in 1900 was 47 years. So, there wasn’t really a third act. You know, people were children, they went to work and then they passed away, basically. And around 1950, with the onset of Social Security and Medicare and all of the other elements that increased life expectancy: the fitness revolution, psychological help, retirement funds, a little bit more disposable income available and a less stressful life, people began to live long enough to have a third act. So basically, life in three acts is the first act of childhood–which I say basically goes from zero to 20–is a time of exploring, discovering who you are, gathering information, finding how you fit into your world and the world. And that’s also a period of dependency, could be categorized.

Wayne Lehrer (02:42):

The second act, starting in your twenties, and for most of, us going to our mid-fifties or 60 years, so about 35 or 40 years, the second act is a time of independence. We develop the ego, the separate self, we explore the world as an individual. We acquire, achieve, build, collect, succeed, compete. And during that time we, you know, sort of begin to build the separate self and what is mine, which could be, you know, my profession, my identity, my family, my place in my community. And then what’s historically happened is that 55 or 60 people began to retire. They began to get phased out of their jobs. Empty nest happened and all of a sudden, they’re left alone. And historically what happened is people went into a period referred to as retirement, which was really a period of on the highest-level seeking comfort and serenity.

Wayne Lehrer (03:41):

But on the lower levels what it happened to be was security, being less engaged in life, withdrawing, you know, that just started changing. Now that people have a period of time of 30 or 40 years from the time of retirement–if you retire at 55 or 60 with the average life expectancy rising above 90–there’s a good chance you’re going to have 30, 40, maybe even 50 more years of life. And so it’s as long as the period of the second act. And historically that was seen as a time where you just withdrew and you know, kind of went on this long slow decline towards oblivion, you know. And now for the first time, you know, their health is better, they have some money in the bank, some sense of ways of creating new value and transforming themselves, so it’s what I call the new third act. And the new third act is a period of time where you look at how you’re going to create value, become an elder, give back, build community and collaboration. Also, if you think about it in the theater or in the film historically, you know, the second act is where all the drama happens. The third act is where the hero rises from the ashes, pulls all the diverse parts of themselves together, finds a new level of who they are, and really makes a difference and redeems themself. At least in the better stories.

Orli Belman (05:02):

And you’ve advocated for a different word for retirement. What do you call this new third act instead of retirement and how would you describe it?

Wayne Lehrer (05:12):

Well, the woman who created AARP called it refirement, but I really think it’s a time of reinventing ourselves. You know, where we’re looking at all of the gifts we have, all of the professions we’ve participated in, what we’re passionate about and what talks to us in the world, what speaks to us that we feel like we may be the answer to, or we may be able to make a contribution in regard to. And so we have to basically, you know, reimagine, recreate, redesign and reinvent who we are and then reboot as that person. So, you know, I think it’s a time of reinvention and reimagining.

Orli Belman (05:54):

These ideas, are they based on your own personal experience?

Wayne Lehrer (05:58):

Both my own, those of a lot of my friends. Obviously, I’m in a number of communities right now of people that are, you know, my age or entering into their third act or deep into their third act. And when I look around at the people that are happy and that are actually where they feel that they’re in the sweetest point in their life, they’re actually in the sweet spot, all of those people are people that have made this transition. And I think the transition is the hardest thing because historically also there’s been no role models for a healthy third act. So part of it is observation. A lot of reading. There’s a lot of good new research out there. You know, that longtime Harvard study that talks about people that have been, you know, where they followed people for I think 75 years and they found that the people that had long-term relationships, the people that found ways to continue to create value in later life. So yeah, and I also think it’s indicative of our time period. So it’s really an observation of both our time period and those people that are around me and then my own process of moving through this transition.

Orli Belman (07:06):

And can you talk a little bit about your own process? I know you’ve had several careers and maybe you could give some advice to people who finished their first career. Is there anything to take away from your example about restarting, investing yourself and even becoming an entrepreneur?

Wayne Lehrer (07:22):

It’s challenging, especially challenging to do something maybe you’ve never done before. I put myself in a position or feel called to be in a position where I’m having to use skills I never developed before but based upon all of these other things that I’m very passionate about. So, you know, when I was younger, I studied Oriental medicine, I invented medical machinery, I had a whole life as a designer. I designed theme parks, museums, and world’s fairs. I was an IMAX and computer graphics filmmaker, have taught yoga and meditation now for 25 years. So, I’ve had this full life and, and multiple different experiences and what was in common to all of them. And I believe that this is a case for everybody when they start to approach their third act, is that each of us sort of has a core way we meet the world.

Wayne Lehrer (08:12):

So, for me, my gift was creating immersive, transformative, spiritually uplifting experiences. So whether it’s a yoga class or meditation or it’s a ride in a theme park. If you take my ride in the theme park, you’re going to be swept away. You know, it’s not just going to be a thrill ride; you’re going to be pulled into another world. So I think one of the things that a lot of people are maybe terrified or feel really challenged about making a transition out of the career they’ve had is first assessing and acknowledging the skills that they’ve actually developed and not seeing a single job as they had, as something that wasn’t something that brought them a skillset, brought them a new way to know themselves and have something to offer. And then also, and this I think is particularly indicative of the third act, it’s very important at this age to look into the world and see what the things are that you respond to.

Wayne Lehrer (09:07):

So you know, the most obvious examples would be Mother Teresa said, Oh, somebody needs to take care of the lepers in Calcutta. And Jimmy Carter, who may be one of the better examples of somebody who has a way more profound third act than his first or second act went and started Habitat for Humanity or what Clinton did. And these are skill sets that yes, they had all of the diverse pieces for, you know, they could talk to world leaders, they could get in the door, they’d work with health people and that kind of stuff. But it was also them each being entrepreneurial, you know, actually being the spearhead of those things. And I know for me personally, you know, I’ve written this book and I feel that it’s a message that I’ve been given to share and that really no one is talking about in the way that I am. As a result of that, I have to learn technology, the most dreaded thing that anybody in their seventies can have to do, you know. And I have to practice social media; you know, I’m a really warm and friendly person. I talk to everybody on the street and at Starbucks, but have me post on Facebook and you know, I shiver. You know, so I’m having to learn all these things and, and the thing that’s allowing me to do it is my passion for the thing that I’m doing.

Orli Belman (10:21):

And you’ve spent some time around our school over the years, and you know that we are focused on healthy aging and there are a number of scientific studies that show measurable benefits of practices like yoga, meditation, gratitude. We have a course on the mind-body connection, and I’m sure none of these positive findings are a surprise to you. How did you come to these practices and what do you see people getting out of them, particularly as they age?

Wayne Lehrer (10:49):

That’s a great question, and I think it’s important to say that even in my book, anybody can start conscious aging at the age of 20. So I started doing yoga and meditation in my twenties. Now that, you know, gave me a bit of a head start, but that was my natural inclination. I was not so drawn to a professional career as I was to the life of a seeker, let’s say. So as people age though, they need ways to disengage from their story. You know, if you notice a lot of older people, their stories, you know, the story you tell is the life you’re living. And if you’re telling a story that’s 30 or 40 years old and may not even be true anymore and might not have even been true when you started telling it, may have only been from your trauma point of view, then you need all the help you can get to get free of that, if you want to reinvent yourself in your third act.

Wayne Lehrer (11:43):

So meditation is one of the ways of doing that. As we get older, if we look metaphorically at aging, part of what happens for people as they age is they become rigid in their thinking emotionally. You know, they limit their emotional life. They don’t read new things; they don’t go to new places as much. If they go to a new place, it’s in the safe confines of a luxury cruise or whatever it is. And same thing happens in the physical body. So any kind of exercise like yoga or tai chi or qigong that’s fluid and flowing is going to exercise and lubricate the joints. They actually have, you know, done research and they found out that the synovial fluid, it just needs movement and regular and it’ll actually come back. So these are really simple and obvious things, and part of that has to do with the fact that you’re only going to notice that if you’re paying attention to your experience in the body that you have and in the mind that you have when you’re in your sixties or seventies. If you’re not paying attention to it, and you still think, oh I can play basketball, I can stay up till one o’clock at night and not pay for it the next day or the next two days.

Wayne Lehrer (12:54):

You know, so if you’re paying attention and you actually have valuing that feedback system, then there’s a great chance that you’re going to start making the quality of choices that are going to lead you to things like yoga. And you’re going to listen to those podcasts and those scientists and the people at the Davis School of Gerontology that are telling you about intermittent fasting. You know, all of these things that are all incredibly valuable that may not have been at all a part of your world while you were striving to earn a living and you know, build your home and your family and your business.

Orli Belman (13:29):

Can you tell me a little bit more about this feedback system that develops as we age?

Wayne Lehrer (13:34):

Yeah. When we’re younger, we can get away with everything and anything. You know, when you’re in your twenties, you want to stay up all night, no problem. You want to stay up two nights and then do a presentation for work? No problem. You want to eat french fries? No problem. Exercise until you drop? No problem. But when you get older, those things are not negotiable anymore; there’s a very narrow window. Most people look at that in a negative way. They think, oh I can’t do this and I can’t do that anymore. But the truth is that you finally have a feedback system that scientists have always had. And the only way that science moves ahead is by having a ground zero or placebo study to go against. All of a sudden you recognize that if I do this, for example, if I say I want to write a book and yet I have an allergy to wheat and I eat wheat and I’m foggy the next day, then I can’t write that book.

Wayne Lehrer (14:27):

And if I’m committed to that thing I’m passionate about, then I’ll take a look at what it’s going to take for me to accomplish that. Same thing with any dietary thing or exercise element. All of a sudden I have a feedback system because my body will let me know right away and my mind will let me know and I’ll know emotionally this person is somebody I’m not comfortable about. I feel toxic after I hang out with them. This is how much time I can do that for. And the value of that is it really makes us more conscious beings, so we have finally have something to measure against that allows us to grow and actually become aware and cognizant of that fine-tuned area called quality of life or wellbeing.

Orli Belman (15:12):

So you’re saying there’s a real benefit that we get to be more in tune with ourselves and know what works for us and what doesn’t.

Wayne Lehrer (15:19):

Absolutely.

Orli Belman (15:20):

And you mentioned earlier this idea of contributing or doing something of value as being important as people enter their third act. And this is also a big concept in the field of gerontology: this idea that there is a benefit to living with purpose. And that’s something you’re obviously doing. And what do you think about the importance of purpose and the role it plays in your life?

Wayne Lehrer (15:45):

Well, one of the things that you see really common in people as they age is they begin to feel devalued. If you’ve been at a job for 20 or 30 years and all of a sudden that job’s over and you derived your value from showing up at the job and that’s gone, that takes a toll. Now none of these things may individually take you down, but all of a sudden there are five or 200 people every day that you’re not seeing either. And so the value that they have for you and that you have for them, that’s gone. Your children have moved out and you’re not a parent anymore. So the value you got from parenting, from making a contribution to somebody, that’s gone. So it’s not so much that we need it more in later life, it’s that a lot of the sources of value we’ve had have inadvertently–and not so necessarily obviously–disappeared.

Wayne Lehrer (16:38):

That said, there’s also, I believe, a natural thing that happens in India. They talk about three stages of life and the third stage. And you know, you go from being a householder to somebody who gives back, also sometimes known as a forest dweller. But somebody who becomes a seeker and moves into a more spiritual stage of life where they’re making a contribution. So I believe it’s a natural thing that actually elevates, if we’re getting our value from what we do in the world and all of a sudden we’re not doing as much in the world and we need to find a new way to get our value. And it may not be as much from what we do in the world as from actually going inside. Because those jobs that we got in the world, a lot of the jobs that people have for 30 or 40 years weren’t jobs that they really chose.

Wayne Lehrer (17:25):

They were jobs that they were shuttled into by school, by parents, by opportunities that were purely monetary. So all of a sudden, when that’s taken away and you become the person that makes the choice over what you want to do with the rest of your life, you have to look inside. And that is where the real value comes. Not just the looking inside, but looking inside and coming up and saying, wait a second, this in the world really matters to me. Like it became obvious to me that I had a contribution to make because those things I started at 20 that had to do with healthy aging, I kept doing them. And so all of a sudden all my friends were saying, oh my God, you’re the youngest 73-year-old, we know. You should write a book. And I thought, yeah, that’d be nice.

Wayne Lehrer (18:07):

And then all of a sudden it, you know, just kept occurring to me. And next thing you know, I felt a calling because I saw a lot of people struggling, making a transition from their second to their third act. So I think a lot of people, it’s almost a necessity that they find value because lack of value could result in what most people term depression, isolation, loneliness. These are all the natural things that happen for a lot of people as they age. And a lot of that has to do with that. They haven’t found a place to be in the world. And our value comes from multiple places. So our communities have disappeared when we get older because we’re not at work, we’re not at school, you know, our kids aren’t there. So we’re not in the family as much. Our communities have disappeared. That’s a place we get value.

Wayne Lehrer (18:49):

A lot of our relationships change. People move away or die. All of a sudden a place that we get value in, intimate relationships is gone. We’re not doing our work. So the value we’re creating as a worker or as somebody making a contribution that’s been taken away, I believe, it’s essential on multiple levels. Not the least of which has to do with, I believe, it’s the period in our life when it’s our job to give back. You know, historically, in other cultures there’s a tradition called the elder, you know? And the elder was valued for the lifetime’s worth of wisdom and experiences that they’d had, that they could relate to others, to help others avoid the pitfalls and the pain and the struggling and the suffering. That’s not a common part of our society at this time.

Orli Belman (19:38):

Yeah, I think what you’re talking about is something that many of our faculty talk about, which is this concept of generativity. A concern for guiding and giving back to the next generation, and that certainly comes across in what you’re talking about and in your book. And why do you think that is something that plays such an important role in aging?

Wayne Lehrer (19:59):

Well, we’re tribal. You know, we’re part of a society now that’s all filled with individuality and ego and a separate self. And a lot of us have benefited from being masterful, in going after things on our own and achieving things. But what has taken us to is the brink in a lot of different places. And that idea of generating value for society and for others is really essential to the very nature of who we are as people, which is we are not individuals. We’re part of the human family, we’re part of a planet and we’re at a stage now that all of those things breaking down has become cumulatively painful to us if we don’t stay in denial of it. And a lot of people do stay in denial of it because they don’t want to face that pain, and they don’t want to face the responsibility. But as you wake up to what your value is and what value you want to create in the world, I think that whatever value that most of the people are orienting their third acts around see as their contribution actually becomes something that contributes to the momentum of future generations. And turning things around for the collectivity.

Orli Belman (21:15):

And we’ve been talking about the third act, and which is the focus of your book and your work. But at our school, we’re educating so many students of all ages and some of them as young as 18. And are there any lessons that they can apply to their own lives?

Wayne Lehrer (21:31):

Well, first of all, I have to say that I lived my whole life bulletproof. I had no physical problems. I didn’t go to a doctor for like, 30 years, so I wasn’t aware. And almost everyone I know, I talk to 57-year-olds who think that I’m exaggerating certain things because they haven’t actually hit the transition from their second to third act. The reality of mortality, the reality of a body that doesn’t always get fixed, the reality of being able to go out and get a new job, those things haven’t really hit them yet. So they haven’t been – I talk about in the book ­­— as being shattered. So for younger people, since that’s not part of the reality, and most of us put off this idea that it’s ever going to come, the best thing you can do is live well. Now, you know, the greatest contribution you can make to your own wellbeing as a 60, 70, or 80-year-old is to pay attention to these things that now surround us.

Wayne Lehrer (22:27):

You know, I mean, fitness didn’t exist until the ‘50s. Psychology is only 50 or 100 years old, really. You know, or at least in the common parlance. It also kind of came in in the ‘50s. Retirement wasn’t ever a possibility. So all of these things are new things. So, you know, to prepare yourself for a life that’s going to go beyond just what you’re doing now and just what you’re attempting to achieve. Because you talk about an 18-year-old, they’re at the beginning of their second act and all they see is, you know, the people that they admire, the role models in the second act. They see few role models in their third act. You know, the few people like, let’s say, Jimmy Carter may be people that are sparking on one or two cylinders. But what about the people that are still healthy? Still can run a marathon? That have found ways to, you know, generate whole new fields of study.

Wayne Lehrer (23:22):

As I said, I think the most important thing that a young person can do, whether they’re in the field of gerontology or not, is to really pay attention to what is required to live a healthy, well-balanced life, that’s going to lead to a quality of living that’s going to last you into your eighties or nineties or a hundred years old. Because a lot of the stuff that you lose, you can’t get back. Now, a lot of it you can. I mean, I teach yoga to people that are incredibly inflexible, that start at 60 or 70. And if I watch a 50% turnaround in their flexibility, that means that the next 10 or 20 years of their life are going to be a lot better. Not just minimally better, but they’re going to be a lot better. They’re going to wake up in the morning and not immediately have to take some sort of medicine that’s going to numb them out a little bit because they’re in pain all day. And we know that a lot of people that age are doing that. Yeah, so the best medicine is doing it in advance.

Orli Belman (24:21):

And on the flip side, are there any lessons you think that people in their third act can draw from young people today? Any things that they’re doing in their own lives that could be beneficial as we age?

Wayne Lehrer (24:33):

That’s a really great question. And I know it’s been really challenging for me and a lot of the people I know, one of the greatest qualities of young people, in fact, when we talk about old people, a lot of times what we say is they’re stuck. They’re rigid, they’re not interested in new things. And if we talk about somebody that’s young, curious to become curious again, that’s an amazing quality that you can get from hanging around kids. And I think it’s a lot of the thing that so many people in their third act love about being with their grandchildren. You know, you hang out with your grandchild for a couple hours and it’s like, why? What? How come, you know? So I think curiosity is one of those things. Doing new things, you know, it’s a chapter in my book. It’s really important because what happens is you find a lot of older people and they say, oh, I’ve been there, I’ve done that.

Wayne Lehrer (25:26):

I don’t like that anymore. Rather than look at maybe there’s a new way to do that thing that you don’t like, that could be incredibly joyful at this stage of your life. The other thing that young people I think can teach to older people is to really be willing to just live with your fears. Like I know at 30 I went back to school to become a filmmaker. My first job out of film school was directing the top newscaster in the world. That was my first job. I didn’t think anything about it. And here I am, starting this whole new thing and I’ve got to learn all of these new things. It’s no different than I did 40 years ago. And yet I want to admit, I feel terror often now, you know. Feel the fear and do it anyway is what you do when you’re younger.

Wayne Lehrer (26:12):

Even if you’re feeling the fear, most young people are in denial of it. But most of the time it’s just like, okay, well, you know, what’s the worst that can happen? When an old person says, what’s the worst that can happen? They come up with a litany of worst-case scenarios, maybe only one or two of which actually were horrible and even happened. So I think that’s another great thing, you know, to do new things, remain curious, investigate. Oh, finally be playful. You know, I have a group of guys that are between 30 and I’m the oldest and we go to the beach, and we meet at the beach in the morning. We meditate on the sand, and then we body surf. You want to turn into an 8-year-old boy? Go to the beach with a bunch of guys and at 6:30 in the morning, jump in the ocean and body surf. That just changes the quality and tenor of the rest of my day. A little bit of playfulness, a little bit of curiosity, a little bit of willingness to do things that I’m terrified of, all are reinvigorating me. And I believe that when you hear a lot of people say, this is the best time of their life, they’re all probably have those qualities happening.

Orli Belman (27:18):

That’s really wonderful advice. What would you say to people on this idea of trying new things? Who say, I can’t do yoga, I’m not able to do that, I don’t want, I’m not interested in meditation. How do you convince people to try something new?

Wayne Lehrer (27:34):

Well, I think it’s really valuable to look around. You know, there’s a saying, if you want to stop doing heroin, stop hanging out with heroin addicts. [laughs] You know, if you want to do these things, start hanging out with people that are living that new third act. So what happens to a lot of older people is they stay in the same circles. You know, I know that almost everybody that’s in my life right now, of any age or people that inspire me, I don’t really hang out with anybody that doesn’t inspire me anymore. And so now obviously some people say, well, family, okay, so put family aside if they don’t inspire you. But I think that it’s essential to look around and see the people that you admire the most, that have aged the best, who you think have a real quality of life and do what they do.

Wayne Lehrer (28:19):

You know? And the other thing is, again, if you’re doing new things and you’re curious. You know, I hear all the time, I used to do yoga, but now my body doesn’t like it. Well find a new yoga class. If you remember how it made you feel, then doing it in a new way, maybe a gentler class, maybe a, a hot yoga class that’s in the dark, that’s slow, where you hold the poses and no one’s looking at you because you may be self-conscious. Maybe that’s the answer to it. But not doing it is only going to make your life collapse. And I believe that one of the biggest problems with aging is people’s worlds get smaller and smaller.

Orli Belman (28:58):

And just on an actual like, practical level, if you know someone in your life who says, I’m not going to try yoga. What’s a way to convince them to give it a try?

Wayne Lehrer (29:07):

Like anything, tell them how it makes you feel. You know, share your enthusiasm, share your joy. Share the difference it’s made for you. Whether it’s meditation–I mean, so many people I know that are older, because I teach meditation and yoga, you know, they’ll say to me, I say, well try this class or go there. And once I get a taste of it, there’s a song by a friend of mine and he’s got a line in it. He says, I’ve just had a taste of something fine. I think if you can get somebody to just try something, you know, so that may be part of your negotiating with them is like, just try it. If you don’t like it, you never need to do it again. But what do you have to lose? Because the downside is, I joke in my yoga class all the time, I said, okay, so you’re 40 years old and you can’t do the splits. What if it takes you 40 years to be able to do the splits? That means at 80 years old, you’re going to be doing the splits. You’re going to be the hottest person in your senior housing place. People are going to be knocking on your door at 11 o’clock at night.

Orli Belman (30:04):

[laughs] Well, being curious and playful and active and flexible. That is all really wonderful advice. And is there anything you want to add that we haven’t talked about?

Wayne Lehrer (30:16):

Yeah, I think one of the things that I didn’t know when I started writing my book and what caused me to write it, what inspired it was that I got moderately depressed. Which is, you know, I got depressed, you know, and I didn’t know what it was about. So I went to a psychotherapist who specialized in gerontology, and while I was working with him, he kept working on my depression. And after a couple months there, I realized that depression wasn’t my problem. My problem was that I was stuck in this, what I call second act operating system of achieving and acquiring and accumulating and building and competing when in fact, that’s not what I was doing anymore. So I was defining myself. I was in a losing proposition. And I think a lot of people when they get into their fifties, sixties, and seventies, keep defining themselves by their second act, body, minds, jobs.

Wayne Lehrer (31:08):

And so making that transition is one of the most challenging things. So historically we had the, you know, what’s called an identity crisis. Which was between 20 and 21, you know, somewhere, you know, between your first and your second act. Tons of role models, easy transition. You went to college, you got a job, you know, decided on a profession, you got married. These are all natural things that, what do you do? What does someone do? Going from not working, from working every day, having kids at home, and all of a sudden all of that’s gone? There are no role models for it. So it’s a very challenging proposition. You need to find healthy communities, you need the help of, whether it’s a therapist who specializes in this or somebody who coaches you through this transition process. I believe it’s the biggest challenge that anyone’s going to face as they enter into old age, which is learning to redefine themselves by a new operating system.

Orli Belman (32:05):

Well, thank you so much for being that role model. Our podcast is called Lessons in Lifespan Health, and you’ve certainly given us so many lessons to learn from today. So thank you so much for joining us.

Wayne Lehrer (32:17):

Oh, it was such a pleasure. Thank you, Orli.

Orli Belman (32:19):

That wraps up this Lesson in Lifespan Health. Thank you to Wayne Lehrer for his time and expertise, and to all of you for choosing to listen. Join us next time for another Lesson in Lifespan Health and please subscribe to our podcast at lifespanhealth.usc.edu.

Lessons in Lifespan Health is supported by the Ney Center for Healthspan Science.

How to Age Consciously

This mindful approach to aging reduces depression.

Conscious aging is an offshoot of the 1987 model of successful aging, which was defined as an elderly person moving through the last chapter of life without disease and disability. Given that we’re living longer, the notion of successful aging is now obsolete because older age yields more illness risk. Aging is a challenge, especially when one lives with depression, but it’s also a time of great opportunity. The approach of conscious aging invites such possibility by encouraging you to find answers, significance, and enlightenment from within while also tending to your depressive symptoms.

Consciousness is defined as a process that involves your acute awareness of the world around you and of yourself, including your inner thoughts, feelings, sensations, and identity. Consciousness essentially shapes your understanding of who you are, what the world is, and even influences how you feel about your life. When you shift away from beliefs of self-limitation, sadness, fear, or anger about life, you can gently accept and, perhaps, find comfort in the process of aging.

What I’ve discovered living with depression and working with individuals with depression in later life is that the key to well-being is all about adaptation—the ability to adjust to challenging new experiences. And deepening your consciousness can lead to that.

What if you could look at the aging process with joy and expectancy? The concept of conscious aging teaches us to accept ourselves as we age, live with a sense of purpose and let go of what society deems “appropriate” for our stage in life.

“Conscious aging is accepting the aging process and the fact that we are all getting older – because that’s the plan,” says Angela Buttimer, MS, NCC, RYT, LPC, a licensed psychotherapist at Cancer Wellness at Piedmont. “It means not buying into a cultural myth of what a certain age should be like, feel like or act like.”

Conscious aging is countercultural

“We have a billion-dollar antiaging industry in the United States,” she explains. “We herald youth, but really, it’s okay to get older. The goal is to find that balance between accepting that we are getting older without succumbing to the cultural beliefs of who we should be at age 50, 60, 70 and beyond.”

Why are we afraid of getting older?

“In general, we don’t treat older people very well in our country compared to other countries,” says Buttimer. “We set them aside and don’t honor their wisdom. We send a message that as you get older, you become less valuable or even irrelevant. That’s a huge fear many people have about getting older.”

Why is conscious aging beneficial?

Conscious aging positively affects our physical, mental and emotional health.

“When we stay connected to our lifeforce energy and feel vibrant and radiant at every age, our immune system responds positively, as does our sense of well-being,” says Buttimer.

She cautions against telling yourself stories like, “When my grandmother was my age, she had this health condition.”

“When we do this, we will believe our own negative stories and step away from our vitality,” says Buttimer. “We have to be careful of the stories we tell ourselves because they can empower or defeat us.”

How to view aging in a more positive way

There are several ways to view aging in a more positive light:

• Practice self-acceptance. “Take your power back by making choices that are authentic to you,” she says. “There are so many opinions out there, such as ‘never color your hair’ or ‘you need to color your hair if you have grays.’ But it’s your choice.”
• Live with a sense of purpose. The key to conscious aging is having a sense of purpose, whether it’s a career, volunteer position or hobby.
• Make friends with people of all ages. “We often get to a place where we only hang out with friends who are in our own decade,” she says. “Having a broad range of friends is really helpful. I have friends who are 20 and who are over age 90.”
• Prioritize learning. Audit a college class or pick up a new hobby. The key is to keep your mind engaged by trying new activities and learning about different topics. Cancer Wellness offers many in-person and online classes.
• Stay active. Exercise helps keep your mind and body in a peak state.
• Define your own path. “You don’t have to succumb to what people think life should be like at your age or what people have done in the generation before you,” says Buttimer. “With conscious aging, you become your own pioneer.”

8 Tips for Deepening Conscious Aging

Below are ways to strengthen your consciousness about aging, as well as adapting the illness of depression in your golden years.

1) Attention: The first and perhaps most essential ingredient to heightening consciousness is acute attention. This is done by turning your focus toward your senses, your thoughts, and your bodily feelings. This concentrated effort increases self-awareness and, by doing so, gives you the necessary pause to turn inward. Conscious aging is all about taking this time of your life and using it to deepen its meaning. Let yourself get in the moment and then be in the moment. Listen to your breath. Sense your heartbeat. Feel the sun. See the beauty of nature. Feel the textures of this mind, body and soul moment.

2) Intention: A second element of conscious aging involves your worldview and your perception of what’s possible. This is called intention. Understanding your intention will help you see what you’re valuing. Is it healthy? Is it toxic? Do your beliefs lead to possibility… or are they self-limiting? Ask yourself, “What matters most in my life?” “What brings me meaning?” “What people, places, and things make me feel safe and loved?” “What purpose can I have now?” “What values are essential to my life?” “What can I live without?” “Where does my heart go when I let myself think freely?” “What can I let go of?”

3) Repetition: The next step in developing deeper consciousness involves practicing your new insights so they become habit. This is certainly more challenging than it sounds, but you can do it. Learning to live with awareness and intention leads to new ways of being—and even creates adaptive neural pathways in brain functioning. Just like efforts to build up a new muscle groups require repeated exercise, so, too, does the process of conscious aging. You’ll practice by reminding yourself, “This is a normal part of aging.” “It’s okay that I’m not as strong as I used to be.” “There’s grace in every one of my wrinkles.” “I have much to offer to others.” “It’s good to let go of unfinished business.”

4) Guidance: Finding sources of inspiration can help you maintain the approach of conscious aging. Look for books, workshops, study groups, social networks, exercise classes, and other such activities that emphasize consciousness or mindfulness. Consider spiritual guidance, religious or faith-based practices to help you deepen your insight. Even agnostic or atheist based beliefs can offer guidance, comfort, and support that grounds you in being in the moment.

5) Integration: Conscious aging is not a trendy fad to be sampled. It’s a transformative way of living that requires you to integrate it into your everyday lifestyle. Once you’ve heightened your awareness and deepened your insight, it becomes easy to keep it going if you use its practices every day. Give yourself some quiet time each morning and ask yourself, “How am I feeling today?” “When I become quiet, what do I truly hear?” “How can I make today great?”

6) Moving from “I” to “We”: Conscious aging is not just a personal process of creating a sense of acceptance about life in your golden years. It’s also about a shift beyond your own journey to one that goes beyond your own self. The process of moving from “I” to “We” invites you to find meaning not from within, but from without—like your loved ones, your community, the world. This is where you’ll create your legacy. Here’s where you’ll ask, “What can I be remembered for?” “How can I leave my mark?” “Who can I inspire?” “What can I offer others?”

7) Living Deeply: All of the steps you’ve done to this point will bring you to a level of self-actualization, which is a peak experience gained by finding fulfillment and accepting oneself. Conscious aging techniques free you to heal, to forgive, to let go. It also encompasses finding a balance of safety, security, love, belongingness, and self-esteem so you can live deeply, with meaning and wisdom. This is the stage where you will learn to be fully in experiences. Lingering in the entire moment, drinking it in, so to speak. Accepting limitations so you can make the most of an experience. “It’s hard for me to shake this depression, but I can appreciate how beautiful it is to be with my grandchildren today.” “I’m feeling so very tired, but I’m going to nap so I can be ready for the concert tonight.” “It’s okay that my partner doesn’t get my depression, what matters most is that I get it – and that I do what I need to live well with it.”

8) Accepting Mortality: Contemplating death is a vital aspect of conscious aging. This doesn’t mean that you have no fear of it. But by lifting the veil of denial of death and accepting your own mortality, you allow yourself to invest your focus, energy, and time to live as well as you can in spite of the inevitable. Conscious aging reminds you that death means different things. Biologically, it is the permanent ending of all vital functions. But it can mean other spiritual, cultural, or psychological things to you personally. Remind yourself that “Everyone dies, but not everyone lives” or that “Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away.”